I have a Post-It on my desk that I refer to regularly. It simply says: “Ask Another Question.”

One of the members of my Vistage group (she’s a psychologist so she has an advantage) talks about “reactive communication.” That is most of the communicating we do when faced with a situation we did not expect. “Reactive communication stems from anger, fear, resentment and uncertainty. This type of communication is often what takes place when we see, hear or read something that moves us from calm to angry in a matter of seconds,” according to the late Ron Flavin.

Often in business conflicts, this is how we react. And it rarely works. No one is listening. Each person is thinking about what he or she wants to say next.

But what if you just asked another question.

My friend and Vistage colleague Don Riddell sent me “The Art of the Beautiful Question: Coaching is listening to ask.”

Among the questions:

What is your ideal outcome?

Is this the real issue?

What are you not saying?

If you send me an email (tim.gallagher@vistagechair.com) I will send you the whole list.

Asking a sincere, open-ended question usually calms most situations. It demonstrates you are open to learning, to continuing the conversation, and that you have not reached a judgement. In most conversations, people want to make sure they are heard.

So the next time you find yourself in a conversation that’s not going well, just pause and ask another question. And another one.