Would you like to have someone listen to you talk about what is important to you? Someone to listen without judgment. Someone who merely asks questions and tries to help you see clearly what’s going on in your life and business.

The best part of becoming a Vistage chair these past three years is that it has trained me to listen intently, without distraction to the members of my group in what we call our “1-2-1s.”  When we are done with our sessions, the nicest compliment anyone can pay me is:

“I don’t have conversations like this with anyone else.”

Then I know I have done my job.

Becoming a better listener has been a worthy journey. Like too many of us, I thought I was a good listener. But too often I was thinking about what I wanted to say before you finished talking. I tried to “solve” your problems like any good consultant or “friend” would. But now I simply try to stay in the moment and listen with an open mind.

A business coach is neither your consultant nor your friend. The coach is your guide. Because the answers are usually within you and a coach who is listening carefully can help guide you to the answers below the surface. So many times in my discussions with members, they glean an insight, an “ah ha” moment in which the challenge is in focus and so is the solution. I have never solved it. They did. Merely by talking the problem through without emotion, distraction or judgment.

Now this is not a cocktail party conversation. I warn them that sometimes my questions will upset them, make them uncomfortable. That’s the way a good session works. Self-examination is difficult because of the stories we tell ourselves. Those are not always honest stories.

It’s not that I blame them for that. Running a business can be challenging, and you often hear unfair criticism or false flattery – neither of which are helpful. But a coach who listens provides a safe space for them to talk about their fears, worries and frustrations. By providing emotional support and encouragement, coaches help their clients stay motivated and focused on their goals, even in the face of adversity.

One final thought. You can get your exercise in while in your 1-2-1. There is evidence that walking while talking actually helps your brain connect the thoughts in a more precise way. (The photo with this column is me with Vistage member Natan Bershtel after our walking 1-2-1 in Signal Hill.)

A final thought: If you really want to be a better listener, practice your questions. “The Book of Beautiful Questions” by Warren Berger has been an invaluable tool for me.